So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
