new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
