Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
