My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
