we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
