My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
