whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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