The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
