Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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