they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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