He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
