Betty ford says i'm here all night
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize