at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
