I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize