you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
