My underwear smells like fireworks.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
