I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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