He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize