So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The uberlube is also flammable
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
