We're facebook friends in real life
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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