That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
