We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
