My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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