I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
A+ Viking dick
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