there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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