i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
