You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
and she was petting her beer can
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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