maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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