just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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