I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
