Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
