perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
