Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
