and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
