No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
