You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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