she was so not down for the gang bang
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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