a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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