i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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