Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
