I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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