i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize