I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
