your parents love me but you hate me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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