i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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