wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
