oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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