I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
