We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
