Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
