If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize