I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
