Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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