new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
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