Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
