I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
