Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
