I didn't shave. On purpose
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
