he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
