My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
