I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
