dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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