Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
