omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
