just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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