I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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