you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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