the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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