The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
