I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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