Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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