i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Less talking, more tequila
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
