I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
