Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
