I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
