Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
