Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
