I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
