my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize