Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just want nice things and good sex
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
