I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
